"Three things cannot be hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth..."
Happy Thursday Everyone!
The million-dollar question: "Who Are You?"
This is one of the single most important questions we can ask ourselves in this walk of life, and trust me; it requires a lot of self-reflection, examination, and overall deep personal development work that cannot be done quickly or overnight. I wish there were a Prime membership to speed things up, but unfortunately, there is not, so you have to learn to be comfortable with yourself and #trustheprocess.
SO,Who is Ms.K?
I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a teacher. I am an innovator. I am a transformational coach. I am a mentor. I am a trailblazer. I am kind. I am loving. I am hopeful. I am an optimist. I am an addict. #IAM
Honestly, I am so grateful to be owning all those statements with confidence today. The list could have gone on, and I could have shared so many more thoughts and ideas, but I want to cut to the chase.
Back Story
For years, I tried to hide parts of myself that seemed insecure, and imperfect, all with this notion that I had to please others or be a version of myself who I was not. I grew up in a family with high expectations (all for a good reason) and that put a lot of pressure on me I think from an early age. These expectations by the way - are completely reasonable, and I am so grateful to my mom for instilling these in us. Bless her.
She taught us:
Study for as long as possible, and never give up on school. (I never did, and I am proud that I thrived in school and loved it.) Work hard to form the building blocks of your future to pursue your greatest dreams and aspirations. Remember this will require time and effort, which means learning patience, too. (Here, there were successes and failures, but I would not change a single thing as these experiences have shaped me to become who I authentically am today.)
truth talK
My journey with addiction is a long and serious battle, and I am setting the record straight about this, now.
Today, I am very open and honest about a long period of my life that was dark, real dark.
You can ask me anything about my addiction, and I will answer all your questions in the rawest and most authentic way while keeping certain elements a little more private.
Bottom Line: It is not because I do not want to share - god, I will share anything. The only way to heal is to share your story, but I realized I have to keep something in mind as I move forward. You will see what it is in a minute.
How did things start Ms.K?
As a child growing up, I was super rebellious. No idea why; that is simply how I was from the age of 16. I wanted to experiment and pursue things that were not 'right' and that included a lot of substance abuse. Period. I could sugarcoat this, but I feel zero reasons to do so, and this would not be a truth talk then.
#Anxiety is something that I have always struggled with, too. It came from a place of not knowing who I was. By going to therapy, and coaching, I learned to embrace my #anxiety and see it is a strength. My mind and body are giving me gentle warning signs that I have to pay attention to something, so this rocks! It was a big mindset adjustment, but it is all about #mindset.
Moving along. Things got worse when I was at the peak of my career, and I started a new chapter of my life in California in 2014. I had moved there after an eight-year relationship where we took each down severe rabbit holes. The relationship was toxic, and we were not compatible. No one is at fault, and as I always say, everyone does the best with what they can at every given moment, so we can never judge anything or anyone. #neverjudge
When I moved back to Hungary in 2017, I knew I had a problem. I was building my educational startup, which required enormous efforts and hard work to make it happen and to lead a team and company to success. Yet, while I was doing that and keeping it together for the outside world, I was falling apart behind closed doors.
Fast-forward to 2019, and there was no hiding my issues from the world. My friends and family were worried, and we all knew - myself included that either I make a significant change - or I would become a statistic. It was hard. Very hard. But as time passes, and I have learned a new way to live my life -it is getting more manageable, and my openness about this has saved my life.
I get asked this question a lot: How do you know you have a problem?
For me - the short answer is as follows. The minute you would much rather engage in destructing behaviors on your own than in social settings, it is time to reevaluate things. Furthermore, it is time to rethink things when you face legal troubles because of substance abuse. I hope many people do not have to go down my path. My path is my path, and I believe everything happens for a reason, but it caused me a lot of pain, and pain to my family, and for that, I am endlessly sorry.
To be in the place that I am today in 2023 is awesome. I have learned not to live with regret but to forgive myself; and by doing so, I am healing, and those around me are too. I thank AA and support groups for teaching me the steps to recovery and embracing my journey just as it is. No two people will experience the same thing in life, but there were a lot of lessons to be learned the hard way. My hope is that through my experiences, I can gift others the gift of healing - if that is what they wish to do. I am here to support and guide others in my coaching practice, through self-development work, that unleashes who you are at your core.
Now - Why do I not want to share more than the above information?
Because of my students. I know that sounds a bit odd after all that I shared above, but I started to care way more deeply about the world when I got #sober and realized that now I have to protect others from further harm. You may be wondering. Why didn't I think of this and the world earlier? No idea. That is the disease of addiction, I guess. It is selfish, self-destructive, and focuses a lot on yourself.
Many of my students today know, and it is because we have such close relationships where they can ask, and I will share. Yet, there are some elements that only adults would be able to handle or process, and for the most profound respect I have for my students, I do not want to expose them further. This is NOT about me - it is about them.
When I will 'retire' professionally from the education sector - I will share the details. Until then, I think this is enough. Until the age of 21, we are in the developmental stages of our lives, and I know that since I abused substances from the age of 16, it impacted my brain chemistry, which was not positive. The least I can do now is to protect them and their lives, so they do not have to worry about this sh*t. They have a lot going on in the world; I do not need to add anything further to their plate.
Final Thought
I shared this because I was asked to be more open and vulnerable. Get in touch with me, or read some of my articles from the past year if you want to learn more. Until then, I hope you understand where I am coming from. This is no longer about me - I lived selfishly for decades. My life's mission now is to give back to others through my coaching practice, and my continued work in education and to make my story my #legacy.
Xoxo, Ms.K
Comments