“Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.” Brené Brown
It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable. Think of it as one of your greatest superpowers.
Recently — I’ve allowed myself to become much more vulnerable than before. So many interesting thoughts, feelings, and experiences have come my way, and I have started to explore things on a deeper level and asked myself the following questions.
What is the link between vulnerability and self-awareness?
Why are we so terrified of bringing our true selves to the world?
What would be possible if we didn’t let doubt and fear get in the way?
What would happen if we took judgment out of our lives?
In my journey, I’m sure that a lot of my openness and vulnerability stems from a significant turning point in my life where I openly admitted to the world that I am powerless over my addiction and can no longer silently battle this disease on my own.
Many exciting things have happened since I stepped into my truth — and viewing vulnerability as a strength vs. a weakness was one of those major life shifts. Coming out into the open to my family, friends, and students was one of the hardest things I ever did — yet also the most freeing.
Here are a few thoughts on vulnerability that I wanted to share with you today.
1. Stay Open
This is easier said than done — and something I am still learning to do every day. But, in life, we have to be open to not knowing where things are headed and to embracing things regardless of how we possibly first envisioned them.
This can be true for any situation, and let me give you an example.
Last year, I met someone who I developed feelings for almost instantaneously. It was magical. At times, I felt extremely exposed to talking to someone so honestly about my life. Here I was, sharing my thoughts, desires, and wants with a perfect stranger — yet it was so natural. As I say - this is the flow state.
Long story short, while things in the traditional sense of a romantic relationship did not work out — we took a second chance on one another, and I am content that everything worked out the way it was supposed to.
Here is a thought. Next time you meet someone, be open to the experience as a whole. Do not discredit the individual if they do not fit your perfect mold or vision of the relationship. Whatever the outcome — know that each person we meet is a teacher and student.
Perfect does not exist. It is an illusion. There is only what is ideal for you — and the universe will guide you.
2. Learn to Avoid Assumptions
When things don’t go according to your perfect vision, try not to make assumptions or judge the situation. If you have questions — ask. If you do not get the answers you long for — accept. No answer is also an answer. If you long for clarity — take an action step that can lead you closer to an insight you are meant to learn.
It is natural to start judging yourself or to blame yourself if things go wrong. As part of our human nature, we start questioning and examining all the things we could have done differently. However, assumptions lead nowhere, and I promise you — you did nothing wrong.
You did the best you could at that moment, and that realization and awareness should bring you comfort and ease.
Read that One More Time.
People wonder and question why I became an addict. They assumed I was unhappy, was filling a void, or numbing out the inevitable pain I felt. While some of those notions may be partially true — they are also assumptions and only part of the truth. To be clear — it was never a deliberate choice.
A choice I make today though is, to share my story openly with the world in the hopes that it will inspire others to lead lives of positive influence by sharing their own stories.
3. Always Follow Your Gut
Limiting beliefs hold us back from achieving our dreams and desires in life.
We all have that little voice inside our head that tells us why we cannot do something or why it isn’t meant to work out. Self-doubt jumps in.
If I am confident of one thing, it is that our intuition is never wrong and much stronger than the voice inside our head. So pay close attention to that feeling in your core. Permit yourself to follow your intuition — as it always knows what is best for you. Something I have recently started exercising as a new best practice is giving the voice inside my head a name — and when he starts to bug me ( yes, he is a he )— I quite frankly tell him to leave the invisible room.“5–4–3–2–1: LEAVE SAM!” Thank You, Mel Robbins!
If your gut tells you there is a lead to follow — follow it. Intuition never lies.
4. Do Not Be Attached To An Outcome
One of the tremendous shifts in my life has been learning to become unattached to an outcome — or at least an outcome I deemed to be ‘correct.’ It is a mindset shift.
For example, when coaching a client, I am entirely unattached to where I think the individual needs to be in the session. It is solely about the client’s energy and the awareness that they bring to our time together. My main objective is to hold a safe space for the client that is absolutely judgment free. It is about gaining clarity, awareness, and insights at the moment that we need to feel empowered.
Embrace things with an open perspective, and know that everything is happening for you — not against you — or to you.
5. Lead With Your Heart
As humans, we are great at overthinking things. Most of the time, we tend to lead with our heads and dismiss what our heart tells us. Guilty admission here of being an overthinker.
I have learned that holographic thinking involves using your heart, head, and intuition to lead. This a happy medium and a way of life to embrace.
When I lead with my heart — I put myself first. It is exactly what I did with this special someone, and I feel profoundly content and grateful for doing so. Note — it is natural to ask for the opinions of others, to take the advice of those we trust and respect, and to seek answers from those who have walked a road before us. They can share things objectively, which can sometimes be more challenging for us to do when we are personally invested in a situation.
Following your heart is straight-up scary at times — but also remarkably admirable. It is the true definition of bravery, and this is your gentle reminder to give yourself the space and the grace to flaunt your greatest superpower aka VULNERABILITY.
Remember: To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.
You got this. Trust yourself. Xoxo, Ms.K
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